diary 27 (september 14)

Started the month camping on a private island in upstate new york- didn't see anyone at all for days. Spent days and days on end in the city purposefully wasting time in parks or shops or on my roof or at small art show things. Lost a lot of my quiet habits and it didn't end up making me feel better like I thought it would. Flew to Oregon and road tripped through Washington for the last two weeks of it- stole camp sites in Olympic national park and the Hoh rainforest. Being in an unfamiliar-surrounding mindset nonstop is where I thrive though I've never felt this at ease within it which is maybe better i can't tell. I keep having very haunting dreams.

diary 26 (august 14)

 The first week of August I was in Canada, woke up early and drank coffee in the garden for hours, Toronto's streets aren't numbered but I knew where I was going- North, South, East, West. Wrote my answer to the question 'what would you tell to a past you?' as 'don't be so dependent on being independent' sitting in the same living room that years ago in I needed it the most. In Montreal the hours melted away and I didn't pay attention to where I was or where I was going, and didn't have to, nothing was written in english anyway. Kept having dreams vaguely about the girls that I was staying with and they were of me too. The overnight buses that I took from place to place were the same as always- nothing for hours and hours but I know I book them on purpose. My home is very familiar and lonely- it really does feel like home to me fully now. Read books for most hours of the day/night. Watched one dawn as the streetlights clicked off down the street one by one, every minute. Covered the horizontal surfaces of my bedroom in mirrors and rectangles of glass. 

diary 25 (july 14)

I'm not sure of too much in july i tried to let myself be distracted and engaged (instead of running circles in my head and away from involvement) but i kept falling into accomplishing it in an unhealthy way. i drew rectangles next to each other in a notebook and tried to make them represent days and fill them with numbers that represent hours. i saw almost every dawn of every day. i went and visited my family and friends for the last week of the month and caught a big luna moth and braided my new little sisters' hair, rode bikes to the lake and passed fields and fields of queen anne's lace. someone told me i was a sapling in the forest fire of life, haha.