diary 37 (september 15)

I move to a big studio with Brendon and fill it with new white furniture, bird keepers let thousands of birds out to fly at dusk in my new neighborhood and the light comes in from one side to the other through the day in the nicest way. i paint the window frames white and get some on my clothes- think about my aunt who painted homes and always wore paint stained jeans. think about my father sending me snapchat videos of crickets and asking me if i can hear them too. i cry three or four times this month about nothing, the new french press breaks within a week and we buy jugs of expensive stupid cold latte drink at the corner store instead because we’re not poor anymore. I let three nuns into my cafe before it's open with wet rain ponchos over their habits they surround me and ask in their way if they can pray for anything for me, I think for a long time with them looking at me but just ended up saying ‘no’. They give me some virgin mary pendants. I feel content walking with a new bottle of wine or houseplant or my camera shooting pictures of pretty clouds or flowers or too many of those birds flying but there’s no content.

Mermaid off J train

Lookbook for Jo Rocco Jewelry

model Josephine at APM 

makeup Mikako Shojima

hair Melisande Page

styling Maleeka Moss

diary 36 (july 15)

Step outside on the fourth and listen to the rumbling, pretend i can see the sky past the cathedral trees. I try to soak in the city but most days feel like nothing days to me. The heat puts you in a daze.

diary 35 (june 15)

June was very nice, everything's working out just fine and I know I work for it to but I feel so lucky. Spent the first bit in Portland doing nothing much- even now it feels so far away. Went on a road trip to a clear and cold lake and to an abandoned town in the middle of nowhere midwest with my best friends. Camped in an unprepared way, stayed in a weird motel for a little, drove all night and for too long at once. The air smelled so nice at one point almost to the lake, the sunset light the night we arrived at the ghost town was something i had never seen light do before, got caught in a hail storm so bad i was sure the car windows would break. Packed everything I owned back up, moved home to New York City on a red eye flight with Brendon, across the country again for the second time. Our new room has big windows that face a lot of trees and I hear birds and the light comes in bright and hot in the morning. Walk in my neighborhood towards the sprinklers hanging under the fluorescents of a gas station that look like fly tape, walk down the streets I know so well in nolita again and feel comfortable. Parked Fire trucks' flashing lights illuminate people’s dinners sitting outside in alphabet city, there's a big cloud of smoke with the moon in the background in the sky beside, the temporary wall in front of it is spray painted with an arrow pointed up "not smoke or fire, only steam”. Feel exhausted again every day and excited most of the time. There are so many things happening to look at and every night I hear sirens, sometimes I hear them stop while they’re still loud.