I'm not sure of too much in july i tried to let myself be distracted and engaged (instead of running circles in my head and away from involvement) but i kept falling into accomplishing it in an unhealthy way. i drew rectangles next to each other in a notebook and tried to make them represent days and fill them with numbers that represent hours. i saw almost every dawn of every day. i went and visited my family and friends for the last week of the month and caught a big luna moth and braided my new little sisters' hair, rode bikes to the lake and passed fields and fields of queen anne's lace. someone told me i was a sapling in the forest fire of life, haha.
kept thinking about figuring out that thing i can't remember how it goes about how cold is only the absence of heat and about cold air coming through or leaving from an open window and how it's not cold air or something. still haven't figured it out, anyway summer in the city is as fun as it's always been. i haven't felt well the entire month i don't know if it's because i'm trying to take care of myself or i'm chronically unhealthy (as usual?) or if i want someone else to accomplish the former. made constant sincere attempts to make my schedule and activities more sanity-inducing but never got very far. there was a man in the subway yelling and rattling for spare change with a sign that read "excuse me, i'm deaf" but i misread it as "excuse me, i'm dead".