natalie kucken

sister



for ballad of... magazine


stylist / jaclyn bethany
hair and makeup / me
assistants / lissy elle and anna szczekutowicz
models / aysche @dna, georgiana @major, vilte @major, elain @major








diary 4 (october 12)



i’ve been working (on photos) a lot, or at least it feels like it but i know that i’m not really, maybe it’s that it’s becoming more of an effort. this month i pulled into myself, more into my own world, became more of a homebody, not much of one but more than usual so it feels odd, i’m not sure how i feel about it. i do miss seeing new people and places all of the time though. i’m sure it will change. something about going to sleep at dawn and waking up a couple hours before dusk most days makes it difficult to be normal. every day is still different. a new experience or encounter or sight and all of that. i’m trying to think of the things i’ve done but i can’t figure out if they were two days ago or even this month or two or three months ago or never. i need to stop thinking “i’ll do it tomorrow”. the storefronts were all covered in spiderwebs and hanging ghouls, the tree- and walkup-lined neighborhood streets covered in fallen leaves. the hurricane happened, the trains stopped and i felt like i was in an apocalypse in some places. i need to start remembering more about everything or stop trying so hard to. i’ve realized that i’m doing things i dreamed of and that are perfect but by now i’m used to it and it all feels normal, i don’t know for some reason i didn’t ever think of that happening, it’s funny. i’m so happy i promise, maybe just sleepy/tired also.