natalie kucken

diary 14 (august 13)








I don't feel at home in the summer heat so I'm glad that this was the last month of it, though August was okay because during it was the rare Blue Moon. I'm still haunted by the same sadness, though it is very different now, I've eliminated most of it and I have to cope with what's left differently, though coping differently is the entire reason that it's different. Anyway, it makes me feel better to cope with things in a real person way I suppose. People in my neighborhood in Brooklyn simply don't have strollers I guess, I've seen kids in those fold-up shopping carts, in wagons, 2 children on each their mother and father piggybacking. I feel like them most of the time if that makes sense. Most nights when I would come home there'd already be a party started with all of my good friends at my place. I wonder when disappearing into another world under influence will start to lack its appeal. I started to tell boys yes when they asked if I had a boyfriend. Waking up while the rest of the world is asleep and sleeping while everyone wants to call you is nice. My neighborhood is very quiet before noon on Saturday and Sunday. I've started having 6-14 espresso shots per day. I've had some issues with writing l wrote many things many nights before I went to sleep they hurt me it's difficult to put things into words, it's the opposite process of accomplishing the same thing that I'm used to accomplishing through art for me. I shot photographs I'm proud of and I'm still working on what friends I want to keep as my close ones but they keep changing or leaving or I keep ditching them. I really really like being alone. If I'm walking and I see a single window lit up oddly in a building I can stop and stare at it for as long as I want to. I keep falling asleep on the subway and my torso's covered in faint bruises. I went to my father's wedding and I fell on the escalator in the airport and I have a cute little grid-shaped wound on my knee. According to some of my family I "talk differently now". I hope I can/have change/d because it sure hasn't felt like I have, though I can't remember who I've changed from if I have. I'm really happy, here are some pictures.













2 comments: