natalie kucken

diary 21 (march 14)


I moved to a new home this month, it mostly is composed of open air and regardless of the weather outside the light coming through the windows is cloudy. The pipes make it sound like it's raining inside most of the time, my upstairs neighbor has a cat that I can hear meowing from my bed and there are always birds singing in the backyard during morning. three of the mirrors I collected broke in the first week. The first number of my age changed this month. I would walk aimlessly around brooklyn from 2pm until it was dusk just watching things. I hung up blank white canvases on the walls and crappy fake flowers from the sprinkler pipes. My blue shoelaces keep splitting. I went to oregon to visit my favorite people for a while. The nine of us went exploring most days and all slept in a small apartment with mostly empty closets and drawings were hung up all over the place. Played in more playgrounds than I can remember and I tried to find places for all of the flowers I took. I could've been awake each night between sleeping for five minutes or three hours, I couldn't tell. I would ask someone else to write down things i wanted to write down while i was there for some reason and got into the habit of not recording what i knew i'd forget so i don't have much to go off of, I only really write things on here that i've previously written down so that I won't forget them and the photographs in these entries are always ones i take so i don't forget, that's what this whole diary blog thing is for the most part. I woke up on the plane to everything being iced over and gray instead of varied and green and couldn't stop crying in front of the gate agent in the midwest thinking about the color of the ice while she was trying to rebook my missed flights. Keep waking up at the wrong time alone in my twin bed and spent one morning in the subway station for twenty minutes watching the announcement board flash "manhattan 0 mins" in orange but no train came. Do people that look more ordinary or common get second or harder glances from strangers in public because the people seeing them think that they might recognize someone they know in that person? Someone at a party called me 'little blue riding hood" and i thought it was so funny that the night wouldn't get any better so I left alone it was pouring rain there was a trail of rain puddles from my front door to my bedroom the next morning and I was glad that at least it wasn't alcohol that I had to soak up like the previous two times. You know in movies when all the lights flicker right before something bad happens -plane crash, hurricane, alien invasion, etc- and everything kind of shudders, it's the flickering lights. 

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1 comment:

  1. Reading this diary post of yours made me realise that I should try something like this, write down the bits that I like enough to remember and put them all together (I usually just tweet, but I think this way of yours is nicer) :) I've said it before, but I'll say it again, that I enjoy reading and looking at the photos from your diary posts. I do wish I could meet you together with that whole group of photographers someday though.

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